- Lead time:
- three evenings, and weeks to let it sink in
- Costs:
- none
With this step you decide together whether it's going to be Italy. You end
up with a few conditions on paper that you both stand behind.
Going alone? Then have this conversation with the people you leave behind.
The questions below work for them too.
Take three evenings. One conversation is too short for a decision like
this. Agree on three evenings, with a week in between:
- Evening 1, why. What do we hope to find in Italy? What are we leaving behind here? Would that really be different there?
- Evening 2, what we give up. Who and what will we miss? What are we dreading most? What do we do if it disappoints?
- Evening 3, the conditions. What has to be arranged for each of us to say yes? When do we check together whether it's going well, for example after six and after twelve months? And what would be a reason for us to go back?
Write the conditions down. On the kitchen-table card it all fits on one A4
sheet.
Italy feels like a holiday, but two things need to be on the table:
- The wage level. Italian salaries are noticeably below Dutch ones, while the big cities ask Dutch rents. Work the household budget out honestly.
- The pace. The bureaucracy here is no myth. Whoever follows the order of this plan gets through it, but patience is a tool.
Divide the work. Agree who takes on which part of this plan: the
papers, the house and the cancellations, the school, the move. That way
not one of you carries everything. Invite your partner into your plan;
then you can both see what's done.
Is one of you going without an income of your own? Whoever lives in
Italy and doesn't work in the Netherlands usually no longer builds up AOW.
For every year you're not insured, you later get 2 percent less AOW. From
the moment you're no longer insured, you have one year to take out
voluntary insurance with the SVB. Also discuss who carries the income in
the first months, whether the partner without an income keeps an account
and money of their own, and how you decide together on big expenses.
Married, registered or living together? It can make a difference for
your partner's residence permit, for co-insurance in healthcare and for
inheritance. If you're both Dutch, each of you lives in Italy in your own
right. If your partner has a nationality from outside the EU, they live
there as your family member. If they stay longer than three months, they
get a residence card of their own. A spouse always counts as a family
member, a registered partner if Italy treats that partnership as
equivalent to marriage. If you live together unmarried, you prove a
durable relationship and Italy assesses it itself. Check at your
healthcare further on in your plan what else applies to you.
Are children coming? How you tell them depends on their age:
- Up to about four: tell them shortly before the move and keep fixed habits, like the bedtime ritual and the cuddly toy in the hand luggage.
- Primary school: tell them well in advance and let them look along: photos of the school, the neighbourhood and the house. Let them choose something, like their room.
- Teenagers: involve them in the decision itself. For them, saying goodbye to friends weighs heaviest. Agree how they keep in touch and when they see their friends again.
In Italy education is compulsory from six to sixteen. You enrol your child
online, through the Unica portal. For the 2026-2027 school year that
window ran from 13 January to 21 February.
Who learns the language, and when? Outside the international companies
in Milan and Rome, Italian is the working language. Every counter works in
Italian too. Often the partner without work needs the language most, and
precisely that partner has no colleagues to practise with. Plan it
together, preferably before you leave.