- Lead time:
- three evenings, and weeks to let it sink in
- Costs:
- none
In this step you make sure the whole family is behind the decision. It's the
step without forms, and yet this is where most journeys fail.
Going alone? Then have this conversation with the people you're leaving
behind. The questions below work for them too.
Take three evenings. One conversation is too short for a decision like
this. Set aside three evenings, a week apart. Talk with your partner, and
depending on their age with your children too:
- Evening 1, why. Why do we want this? What do we hope to find in Turkey? What are we leaving behind here? Would that really be different there?
- Evening 2, what we give up. Who and what will we miss? What are we dreading most? What do we do if it disappoints?
- Evening 3, the conditions. What needs to be in place for each of us to say yes? When do we check together whether it's going well, for example after six and after twelve months? And what would be a reason for us to come back?
Write the conditions down. On the kitchen-table card it all fits on one A4
sheet.
With Turkey, distance is the smallest problem. It's three and a half hours
of flying, and tickets are affordable. On those evenings, above all take in
life in a country with a different political and economic dynamic from what
you're used to.
Divide the work. Agree who takes on which part of this plan: the papers
for your residence, the house and the cancellations, the school, the move.
That way not one of you carries everything. Invite your partner into your
plan; then you both see what's done.
Is one of you going without an income of your own? Someone who lives in
Turkey and doesn't work in the Netherlands usually stops building up AOW.
AOW is the Dutch state pension. For every year you're not insured, you later
get 2 percent less AOW. From the moment you're no longer insured, you have
one year to take out voluntary insurance with the SVB.
Also discuss whether that partner keeps an account and money of their own,
and how you decide together on big expenses.
Married, registered or living together? That can matter for your
partner's residence permit, for being insured together for healthcare and
for inheritance. If you go via the treaty to the SGK, the Turkish social
insurance, with your AOW or pension, family members without an income of
their own can be co-insured. The SGK has to approve that. Check at your
residence permit and your healthcare further on in your plan what applies to
you.
Are children coming? How you tell them depends on their age:
- Up to about four. Tell them shortly before the move and keep fixed routines, such as the bedtime ritual and the cuddly toy in the hand luggage.
- Primary school. Tell them well in advance and let them look along: photos of the school, the neighbourhood and the house. Let them choose something, such as their room.
- Teenagers. Involve them in the decision itself. For them, saying goodbye to friends weighs heaviest. Agree how they'll stay in touch and when they'll see their friends again.
With Turkey the school is above all a choice of language: free
Turkish-language public education, or expensive international education. For
young children public education is a language bath that can work. For older
children it's a wall.
Who learns the language, and when? In Turkey that's Turkish. Outside the
tourist zones you won't get by in English. Often the partner without work
needs the language most, and that's exactly the one with no colleagues to
practise with. Plan it together, preferably before you leave.
